Back to School – 50 Years Later

                Watching the evening news on Labour Day there was a feature about parents dropping their kids off at school – the annual move-into-the dorm weekend.  Most of the kids interviewed were excited and nervous about living away from home for the first time.  Which reminded me that it has been exactly 50 years since my parents moved me into my first-year residence.  I was used to sharing a room with my sister, but our bedroom in the old white farmhouse was so big it took up practically the whole upstairs.  What a shock when I saw the dorm room – how was I expected to live in this 6 X 12 space?  And mine being at the far end of the hall was one of the larger  ones, having an extra alcove and a second window, although the view was hardly scenic facing a row of old houses which bordered the campus.  My residence was a relatively new building, and utilitarian in it’s modernness, despite being on the historic downtown campus. 

There was a set of bunk beds, a built-in desk with two chairs near the window facing the quad, and a small built-in closet with two sides.  The aisle was so narrow you could almost reach across from the bed and touch the closet.  I quickly nabbed the bottom bunk by spreading my new orange and yellow quilt over it, as I couldn’t envision climbing down the ladder to go to the washroom in the middle of the night. 

My dorm room in second year. Orange was a popular color in the 70’s.

 After a teary goodbye my parents left.  My poor mother, but she had previous experience with my older siblings moving out and dealt with empty nest syndrome by signing up for art classes and getting a puppy.  My dad was stoic as usual – no doubt worried about the drive out of the city as we had gotten lost on a one way street going in. It was the first time I had ever been to Toronto or seen skyscrapers.  Toronto was a four-hour drive from my hometown and most of my high school friends went to school closer to home, but U of T was the only place that offered my course.  The downtown campus was large, (68,000 students now) with the green space of King’s College Circle at it’s centre, but seemed isolated from the city surrounding it. It was an old school, with King’s College first established in 1827 by royal charter, and research based, being the birthplace of insulin, (I had some lectures in the old Banting and Best building complete with rows of narrow wooden desks), stem cell research, and cardiac pacemakers.

 After they left, I started to unpack.  The closet was small, but miraculously seemed big enough to handle my wardrobe, which was basically a few pairs of jeans, some sweaters and polyester shirts (I cringe at that), and a winter coat.  I had worn a uniform in high school and didn’t have a ton of clothes, and everyone lived in jeans back then.  There was a four-drawer bureau in the corner, upon which I placed my record player and small collection of albums, none of which I remember other than Gordon Lightfoot, a Canadian folksinger.  I claimed the desk nearest the window, another uncharacteristically bold move for me, but I had lived under the shadow of an older sister for too long.  The window overlooked the quad which separated the girl’s residence from the boy’s, which was full of engineers and so noisy it was called The Zoo. A decade later they made both buildings coed and my coop students told me it was impossible to get any work done.  

My roommate arrived about an hour later.  Her relatives were out the door so quickly I barely saw them. The first thing she did was set a picture of her father on the ledge over the radiator. He was wearing a black robe, and she told me he was a judge.  

We had both filled out the residence survey as non-smokers and Catholic, but other than that we had nothing in common.  She was a rich city kid, (I had encountered plenty of those at my Catholic high school, as it charged tuition after grade ten not too many poorer kids attended), whereas I had grown up on a farm.  She commented about the upper bunk, (in retrospect I suppose we should have flipped a coin) but she was somewhat mollified by the fact that our quilt colors did not clash, although mine was from Zellers/Target (see photo above) and hers was hand-made by Mennonites – but really what could you see of it anyway on the top bunk? Although she did give her stamp of approval to the orange Poly-Perk coffee maker which my mother had bought me (my mother, always a generous soul, had fun that summer outfitting me for school). 

Ah, I can smell that perked coffee now.

We had a full residence plan, mandatory for first years, but did not have a fridge, but I’m not sure where you would have put one anyway.  I lost ten pounds first year as residence food was not my mother’s cooking, and I had not yet developed a liking for pizza, being unaware you could order it without pepperoni.

The second thing my new roommate did was hang a poster of Van Goth’s sunflowers on the wall, a painting I did not recognize to her horror, my 18-year-old self not being familiar with art, famous or otherwise, having only taken sciences and maths in high school.  So, the room nicely coordinated, she could relax.  Except…..I never actually saw her relax. Despite her rather privileged life she seemed to live under a cloud of Eeyore-like pessimism and anxiety. She was pretty, blonde and thin, (everyone was thin then) but it was difficult to imagine someone in such a permanent negative funk ever being a cheerleader.  I stressed about exams like everyone else, but I had more confidence that I would pass if I put the work in, whereas she was always full of doom and gloom and predicting failure with every test. Perhaps she felt pressure from the weight of expectations, whereas I had none. (Looking back I really won the parent lottery – I had the nicest, most easy-going parents – they were supportive, but if I had failed or not gone at all as some of my siblings didn’t, that would have been okay too.)

It’s not like we were enemies, but we weren’t friends either, we just didn’t click.  We went to classes together the first few months as everyone had the same schedule, except for electives, mostly because neither of us knew anyone else.  But she went home EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND, to see her high school boyfriend as her hometown was only an hour away.  By then I was glad I had not given up the bottom bunk.  I grew to enjoy the privacy of a room to myself for the first time in my life, but I was lonely and as I had no one to hang out with on the weekends, I stayed in and studied.  The course load was heavy right from the start. 

I was homesick myself the first semester, only going home for Canadian Thanksgiving mid-October, and that was it until Christmas.  But I eventually got to know my next door neighbour, and through her, some girls on the third floor, who came from small towns up north and I ended up rooming with them in third year in an off-campus student flat, and later an apartment.  Two of the girls were in a new program called computer science – the only girls in their class. I was never quite sure what they did but the seemed to spend entire nights in a lab coding something called Cobal, an early computer language.  I did get back into residence second year, not one of the coveted singles, but a much larger (four times the size) double which was just as good. To get a single you had to schmooze at the dean’s meet-and-greet sherry and tea parties (like something out of a British novel with printed invitations) held in her apartment, and I was an introvert and couldn’t be bothered although I did attend once to sample the sherry – too sweet. I had a rebellious streak even then. Otherwise no one ever saw her or her husband, but they were the adults on site in the building. There was also a series of elderly male porters at the front door to man the desk, sort the mail, and run the switchboard, (and give you The Look if you came in too late). There were no phones in the rooms, so they would notify you via an intercom in your room when a long distance call came in and you would go to a phone booth down the hall. My parents called every Sunday night when the rates were cheaper, usually a short call of ten minutes or so. Otherwise there were letters. It was always a treat to get a letter from home – my mothers were newsy, but my dad’s were humorous – I kept them all.

 We went to initiation (would you even be allowed to do some of those things today?) and frosh week activities together, including a day trip to Niagara Falls. The downtown campus was particularly nice in the fall when the leaves were changing.  I remember going to a frosh banquet in the Great Hall at Hart House (think Harry Potter minus the broomsticks) in the ivy-covered Trinity College, wearing a short black skirt and matching vest and a pair of black suede platform shoes. 

Now available for weddings off season.

We went to a bar on Bloor Street after, my roommate and I and 3 guys, and I remember walking home through Queen’s Park, (the campus was next to the Parliament buildings) in my impractical platform shoes, with the leaves rustling underfoot, as you were not supposed to walk in the park after dark.  Other than that, we seldom went off campus, other than very occasionally to the fast food restaurants on Bloor Street – Swiss Chalet, Mr. Submarine and Steak and Burger (home of tough steak and warm apple pie).

My roommate wore classics, Estee Lauder perfume and Clinique makeup, which I regarded as old lady stuff. I wore drugstore brands, Cover Girl and Maybelline.  Being so much more fashionable, she took me shopping in downtown Toronto, as she was familiar with the stores and the subway system.  She insisted we go to Fairweathers where she bought two wool sweaters, one of which I shrunk to doll-size as I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to put wool in the dryer.  I had zero laundry experience, and never wore wool anyway – it was itchy.  I don’t think she ever forgave me for shrinking her sweater, but she begrudgingly said she would give it to her little sister.  I remember her stopping to window shop at a fancy jewelry store on Bloor St. as she planned on marrying her boyfriend who was destined for the law like her dad.  We were 18 and I thought that bizarre.  I had hardly even dated, and although I was more popular in university than in high school, marriage was the last thing on my mind. Women’s lib was in full swing. Wouldn’t you want to be independent and travel first?

 U of T was not a party school – other than attending a few weekend pubs, a semi-formal and a homecoming parade, I don’t remember much partying after the first month.  It was a serious academic university.   I was lucky to get in, (although my program tended to favour kids from small towns) but it was harder to stay in.  The workload was heavy with 30 hours of lectures and corresponding labs every afternoon in second year, including organic chemistry, analytical chemistry and medicinal chemistry, totally useless courses unless you were going into research.  Organic chemistry killed a lot of my classmates.  A quarter of my class had failed by the end of second year, including several of my close friends and a few others who just squeaked by. (The faculty made up for the high failure rate by accepting students with undergrad degrees and eventually that became a prerequisite).  I did okay because I was organized and had good study habits and a decent memory.  But I worked hard – I had the opportunity for an education and didn’t want to squander it. My degree gave me a good career for 40 years in a job I enjoyed, (except for the last five).  I was lucky in that my parents paid for my education ($3000/yr) so I graduated with no debt, quite a contrast to the $30,000plus/yr now with maybe no job in sight?  But I would have gone anyway, as it was easy to get loans and grants back then. They were based on financial need, the first $800 had to be repaid, the rest was free depending on your family’s income. My whole generation took advantage of that government program.

Lessons learned upon looking back:

Having an unsociable absentee roommate turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as it allowed me to focus on the reason I was there.  Sometimes a bit of loneliness can be a good thing, if it forces you to do something productive or creative with your time.

It is perfectly possible to live in a very small space.  I adapted, as I really wasn’t in the room that much, other than to sleep and study.  Hello downsizing and tiny houses! Do I really need so much stuff? No wonder so many young people are minimalists today.  My elderly neighbour, a former nurse, was upset about having to go to an assisted living facility.  I made her feel better when I said, it will just be like residence again. You can socialize if you want to, but go to your room when you don’t want company.   My mother had a lovely spacious light-filled room in her nursing home, as it was initially intended to be a double but was coded as semi-private, with her own bathroom.  But when I looked at the private rooms, they were smaller than my dorm so I turned it down.  She never wanted to go to a nursing home, but once there she settled in quite well and considered it her home for the last year, enjoying the company of the other residents.

Appreciate having your own bathroom – I remember having to go down the hall to the communal washroom and that was a pain, although it never seemed very busy, but maybe I was up earlier than most of the students.

A small wardrobe can be a good thing.  I think I could go back to having a capsule wardrobe, which is all the rage these days, no more than 10-15 interchangeable clothing items.  Mostly that’s what I have now anyway, or what I wear, the same basics with an assortment of tops.  Do I really need four closets?  I remember the hours I spent shopping and coordinating outfits….which was fun then but not so much now that clothes are so ugly and utilitarian.

Mostly, I would like to thank my parents (both gone now) for giving me the opportunity to go to university.  They both valued education, and I’m in the process of arranging a high school scholarship in their name, a more complicated process than you would think.  Do kids today even appreciate a higher education?  Is it still an advantage or are you better off with a more practical college course or a trade?  The youth unemployment rate is high here right now (14%) – and I feel sorry for those who have such massive debt to pay back. Tuition for my course is now $18,000/year, and a residence room is $15,000 to 20,000 for a single. I was in shock after googling that, as just a few years ago I’m sure it was $10K. How can you make a wise decision what to study when the future job market will be impacted by AI and so many jobs possibly made obsolete?  As one of the AI developers said, maybe it’s better to be a hairdresser or a plumber.  

I had no idea tuition had gotten that expensive, until I saw this Forbes story online, about a billionaire who left 1.5 billion to a med school in New York, for free tuition ($59,000/year) for all students admitted for four years in perpetuity. What a gift! It would be nice if more of the billionaires would share their wealth that way.

Do you have any memories of your first time living away from home that you would like to share? 

PS.   I lost track of my old roommate after we graduated,  but heard she had married her boyfriend, had two kids and no doubt went on to live a perfect life.   A friend of mine attended a wedding shower she was at years ago and she had gifted the bride-to-be with a pair of silver toaster tongs, which my friend thought weird, but to me sounded just about right.  Fast forward to now. You can find anyone since obituaries went online.  And yes, there was the same photo of her father the judge in his robes, now deceased, but there was no mention of the boyfriend/hubby.  Whose life ever turns out the way they expected it to?  As John Lennon said – Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.

PS. My apologies for the length of this….if you given up reading….but I’m only posting once a month for awhile. The Blue Jays are headed to the World Series!

35 thoughts on “Back to School – 50 Years Later”

  2. Anne says:
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    Anne's avatar

    I have thoroughly enjoyed reading this! I came from a farming / mining background and did not know a soul at university – not one. It was a tough time, but thank goodness for Freshers Week (not allowed anymore) during which I got to know a couple of students I could at least explore the way to our lectures with. Your piece has unleashed a host of memories for me from 56 years ago, when my mother bid me farewell and I felt so alone! My university years ended up being great fun though 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Joni says:
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      Joni's avatar

      Thanks for your kind comments Anne. My post seems to bringing back memories for a lot of people. Although I can’t say I remember my university years as being great fun, as it was for most people, there was some, but mostly I just remember it as being a lot of work. But I think that it was so competitive and so huge that the different faculties/schools/programs did not mix. There was also a large contingent of very studious international students as well. I partied a bit first and second year, hardly at all in 3rd/4th, and graduated at 22, happy to be done with school, although learning was never done.

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  3. Kate Crimmins says:
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    I loved reading your story. I was fortunate to go to college at night, paid by the company I worked for. My dad died when I was young and there was no extra money for college but I got a job at a great company with a lot of perks. College tuition was one of them. Sadly I missed the living on campus experience and having friends but it worked for me.

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    • Joni says:
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      Thanks Kate! That’s great that you worked for a company that treated it’s employees well. (I do remember a decade of two when employees were considered assets, now they’re considered interchangeable). That must have been hard to work all day and go to school at night. No partying for you girl!

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      • Kate Crimmins says:
        Kate Crimmins's avatar

        It was hard. It’s easier now with on-line stuff available but back then it was all classroom and lab work. I was lucky. I worked for a large Fortune 500 company and it had employee perks that weren’t available at smaller companies. I loved working there. Sadly it’s not the same now.

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  4. J P says:
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    I loved this. I did the opposite, and roomed with my best friend at the time. It worked, but involved other challenges, like how neither of us was forced out to meet others.

    Oh boy, do I remember the Poly Perk!

    When my kids went off, how different it was. Newer dorms are like hotel rooms, with air conditioning and private bathrooms. And as you say, the cost has become crazy.

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    • Joni says:
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      Thanks JP. I think it brought back memories for a lot of people. A/C, private bathrooms – very deluxe. I remember writing one late exam May 2? first year after almost everyone had moved home, and they turned the heat off in the residence April 30. I had already moved all my stuff home and had just gone back for the one exam – we had a cold spell and I slept with my coat on!
      One of my readers made a comment that now with the popularity of online courses/degrees, will campus residences/experiences eventually become obsolete?

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  5. Peg says:
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    I so enjoyed this post, it brought back memories of my years at college. I also had an absent roommate the first year, her boyfriend went to same college so they were always at his dorm room doing you-know-what. I had a different roommate every year, and even had several quarters where I didn’t have a roommate at all, which was lovely (I am an introvert, too). I, too, am very thankful for my wonderful parents who paid for everything for 4 years (it was much cheaper back then, though). My dad, bless him, was always so proud because I was the first in my family to graduate from college. Thanks for a wonderful blog post!

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    • Joni says:
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      Thanks for your kind comments Peg! My blog seems to have stirred up a lot of old memories, good and bad. I was the first from my family too. I think that’s why they valued education so much, as they never had the chance. My dad had to quit to take over his family’s farm after his dad fell ill, and my mother to work in a WW2 plant. She was 16.

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  6. annieasksyou says:
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    No apologies needed for the length, Joni; it was very interesting and brought a strange nostalgia. Your room description was comparable to my husband and my first apartment on New York’s West Side. The bedroom was so small that we had to get on the bed to make it!

    My first year in college at a small all-women’s school was so unpleasant that I refused to go back. I lived at home and commuted from then on, through my master’s degree.

    I have great respect for your making it through organic chemistry. That was the course that caused a number of people I know to realize they’d never survive med school. I think they all became lawyers!

    I loved the video announcing free tuition at Albert Einstein. Most of the billionaires these days do not seem so inclined to make others’ lives easier.

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    • Joni says:
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      Thanks Annie! I have heard that New York apartments are very small and expensive. A small all women’s school reminds me of Sylvia Plath for some reason. A few of my high school friends went to a Catholic one, but not for me, no thanks I’d had enough of nuns. What made it so unpleasant, the other students, the course or the staff? Did you switch schools or just refuse to live in residence? (Just curious, only answer if you wish, I don’t want to dredge up any buried trauma!) I sometimes think organic chemistry was designed just for that purpose, to weed people out, otherwise what do you do with it? I stupidly studied it twice, 20 years after I graduated I decided to apply for a US license – I live in a border town so many medical people hop the border for jobs. I had to write my foreign equivalency test first to show my degree was equivalent and had to do a crash course in organic chemistry as there were naming hydrocarbons type questions on the test! So not fun, but I’d already sent my $1000 fee in. Three weeks after I passed the exam, the US government decided Canadians didn’t need it anymore, just the state board exams and jurisprudence (both of which I found easy as I had worked 20 years). I never did use the license, but it refreshed my pharmacology etc, so it wasn’t a total waste. I loved the video too – it’s what got me thinking about scholarships. I’d like to do an art scholarship for my mom, and a science one for my dad. I know Bill Gates gives to charity, and Warren Buffett say he is going to give all his money away, but do you ever hear of any charitable donations from Trump/Musk/Bezos? Unless Trump considers the new ballroom a charity? I’ve heard there is a lot of controversy about that. Jackie Kennedy must be rolling over in her grave.

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  7. Eilene Lyon says:
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    Eilene Lyon's avatar

    Long but interesting and brought back a variety of memories. I was the only girl in our household, so used to my own room. Then freshman dorm crammed with three other girls. I requested non-smokers, but two smoked. One even had sex with her boyfriend while I was in the room! Oh, it was a misery. The school band was the group that got me through. After a summer in a house with a bunch of others, I had my own apartment for the next two years. I won’t get into the final two years with my final roommate. Let’s just say I was happy to leave college behind.

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    • Joni says:
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      It sounds like a nightmare! Not all memories are good ones. I can’t imagine 4 girls in a dorm room. We had 6 in a suite in a student residence in 3rd year, and that worked well as we each had our own bedroom, and a common living room/kitchen and two full bathrooms. 4th years I had a two bedroom apartment with a friend which was good too, still I was happy to get my own apartment when I graduated.

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  12. Dave says:
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    So many parallels with my own college days, Joni (five years after you). I was paired with a fellow Californian, although he from the north and me from the south might as well have been from different states. We got along great, and he was remarkably patient with the serious girlfriend I picked up literally the first week of freshman year. Our dorm room sounded so similar to yours, with little opportunity to get creative (other than the purchase of a square of wall-to-wall carpet to bring color into the room. My architecture degree and the girlfriend kept me away from the room, which probably appealed to him since he and others in the dorm were into their role-play Dungeons and Dragons game. But I do regret not spending more time with him nor developing the relationship more. He was a great guy. As for your Blue Jays, they made things very interesting in a single inning last night. I knew it was over when they went up 4-1 in the seventh. Now the issue will be settled in Toronto, which must make you happy! The Blue Jays winning the World Series feels like a U.S. team winning the Stanley Cup – wrong country! 🙂

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    • Joni says:
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      Thanks Dave! My blog seems to have stirred up a lot of memories for people. I went to bed at midnight on Monday when Game 3 went into overtime, as I knew I had to get up early for a medical test, and I was glad I had- 18 innings, 6 plus hours, it was like two games in one. Interestingly, most of the players on the Blue Jays team are American, with the exception of Vladdy G. who is from Montreal. Just like Josh Naylor from Seattle is from Mississauga/Toronto and Freddie Freeman who got the winning homerun in Game 3 is from Canada. But in terms of where they are based yes they are Canada’s team, but then we only have the one team. Tonight’s game will tell the tale, but it could go either way. A lot of Canadians don’t like Ohtani as he was apparently in negotiations with the Jays last year, but rumor has it he was only using them as a negotiating tactic to up his salary when he signed with the Dodgers. And then there was that whole betting scandal. But I’m sure baseball has as much politics as any workplace!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dave says:
        Dave's avatar

        Well “Vladdy G” keeps coming through for you, doesn’t he? The Blue Jays are becoming a very likable story here. The prevailing opinion going into the Series was they (nor any other team) had no shot against the Dodgers, yet they won handily the last two nights, and are poised to take the trophy at home. Very happy for you, Joni. I hope they get that final win. After all, LA has plenty of championships already. Were the Dodgers to win this time around, it’d feel a little “bought”.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Joni says:
        Joni's avatar

        Thanks Dave! But it’s not over yet, anything can happen. I don’t think they will win Game 6 because LA has that pitcher who pitched the whole game and no one can get a hit off him. I just hope the trick or treaters are done by 8pm!

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  13. cupcakecache says:
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    I enjoyed reading this and remembering my college days. My dad dropping me off while my mom continued working in our small business. And then, a few years later switching my rooms, so I could room in the International Dorm where my roommate was a brilliant beautiful young woman from Iran. She came on her own with her sister. My dormmates were from all over the world including Israel, China, Saudia Arabia. It was such an interesting place to be. Thanks for the good memories!

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